omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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