im six kinds of drunk right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
