I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
