Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
