Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
