Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
