Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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