Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So vagazzling was a success
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
