Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
