i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
