Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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