I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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