i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
