Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think your dad took our porno
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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