I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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