my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What a dumb baby whore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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