Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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