Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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