I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
