I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
