I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
