Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Randomize
