they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
