Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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