I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
