Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
