I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
