I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
