i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
