I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
