Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
