I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
