Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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