If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
