Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
