If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
