Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
