margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
