I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
