Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
