How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
