my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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