Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i've created a new STD.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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