pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
