i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
