I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
