Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
