Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
