why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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