After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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