ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
