the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
